Note:  Today I resurrected this post from my old blog as it is the 10 anniversary of this ‘day of my fear’.  Tonight I will celebrate with some dear friends.  God is good,

Psalm 56:4

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?

When I am afraid — the Hebrew is “yom eera” which means ‘in the day that I fear’. Have you ever had a day you remember as ‘the day of my fear’? You may have had several of them. You may never have been in enemy territory alone like David in this psalm, but there may have been times when you have feared for your life, or for something more important. The tense of the Hebrew verb, ‘fear’, notes that the action of ‘fearing’ is incomplete. It is recurring and unfinished. It is not one day, but one of several or many.

A year ago this month I found myself lying on a stretcher by myself in a hospital. I was there by choice. I had decided to donate a kidney to a friend. (Actually I am sure that Yehovah decided, and I was merely obedient.) It had been about 9 months from the decision to the day of the transplant, full of many tests and work-ups. Throughout the whole process, I never had any doubts that I was doing what I was called to do. I had never known any fear. I was confident. But on the morning of the surgery, they called me back to a room alone. I had my wife and several friends there to support us that morning, and I expected that they would allow my wife at least to be with me until time to go back to the surgical suite. But they wanted me alone. They gave me one more chance to “back out” saying that if I decided to not go through with it, they would just tell everyone that this morning’s tests revealed I couldn’t be a donor. But I had no doubts and no reservations. So they placed the IV line and left me there. Alone.

In that moment it struck. Fear. My mind started racing. In medical school, I had seen many surgeries go wrong. I had seen a man never wake from an elective surgery. I saw a young woman die on the table during a very simple procedure. I saw a middle-aged man have a severe reaction to anesthesia and never make it to the first incision. Alone in that room, fear washed over me like waves of the ocean for what seemed like forever, but was actually only about 5-10 minutes. And then it ended. Yehovah reached down and brought peace to my quaking mind. He asked me if I trusted him. “I’ve got this” was the message I received. And for the next 15-20 minutes, alone in that room, I had a time of worship. A good friend had sent me an email that morning with his prayers and a link to a music track. I had decided after reading his mail to purchase the song, went to iTunes only to discover that my daughter (who shares my account) had already bought it, so I downloaded it. I still had my phone with me, so I set that song on replay. It was “Oceans — where feet may fail”. The lyrics are below. They say it all. God is good.

In the ‘day that you fear’ I pray that you will have friends praying for you as I did. Remember that the ‘day of fearing’ is recurring and unfinished. You may have many days of fear. I have seen myself in the day of fear, and I would never describe myself as brave. But our God is faithful. For that reason you can be strong and courageous in the midst of that fearful day.

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You’ve never failed and You won’t start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior