Week 40 ———  Don’t Be Offendable
Matthew 5:21-26

Last week, we talked about murder and anger and how, in God’s view, they are very much alike because both come from the same place in the heart. We looked at these verses:   

Matthew 5:21-26  “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’  But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire.

My men’s Bible study group discussed this, and some very interesting questions were raised. My friend Ken suggested a book that opened my eyes to this subject: Unoffendable by Brant Hansen. So, I want to dive deeper into this discussion.

If you read the footnote in the previous entry (TAY #58), you would know that a few versions of the Bible include the phrase “everyone who is angry with his brother without cause…”.  “Without cause”  was added over 200 years after the gospel was originally written.  The earliest manuscripts do not have that phrase, so most modern versions of Matthew do not contain it (other than the King James or New King James Version.)  It is easy to understand why someone hand-copying the Bible decided to add this phrase. 

‘Of course, some anger is good,’ someone thought.  So, someone around 200 AD decided to help us by telling us what he thought Jesus meant to say.  So he added “without cause,” perhaps in the margin of the text.  Then, the next guy copying the Bible assumes the previous copyist accidentally left it out, so he writes it in the verse just like it was always there.   (You can prove several instances of similar additions to the text from just such a process.)

After all, it is okay to be angry when you have a good cause, right?  And righteous anger is not bad, in fact, it is essential that we get angry at some things, isn’t it?  Christians are supposed to have righteous indignation, aren’t they?  I have heard these statements all my life.  But are they true?

What do you think? We could vote on it.  Who says righteous anger is a good thing?  All for, all opposed.   Wait a minute!  That is serpent thinking.  We don’t get to vote on right and wrong.  It is not our job to discern good and evil. That kind of thinking will get you kicked out of the garden.  God is the only judge.  Only God can decide.

In our scripture passage, Jesus took murder and said what’s behind the murder — it is anger. What is behind the anger?    Why do we get angry?  Because we were offended.  Someone did something or said something that offended us.  Aren’t Christians supposed to be offended by some things?

So look through the Bible — Do you see ‘righteous indignation’ or ‘righteous anger’?  Is there a command to be offended?

Well, you say, we have an excellent example of righteous anger by Jesus when he threw the money changers out of the temple.  Was Jesus right to be angry then?   If so, then righteous anger is a good thing.  Or is it?  Yes, Jesus was right to be angry, but there is a big difference.  Jesus has the right to judge because he is God.  Let me let you in on a little secret.  You are not God, and you have no right to judge anyone.  You aren’t supposed to eat the fruit of that tree.

Looking closely in the Bible, you will find many examples of righteous anger.   But all of them are God getting angry.  Because God is the only one who can express righteous anger because he is the only righteous judge.   That’s why we like righteous anger so much — we enjoy being right and pretending we are righteous, taking the moral high ground.

There are plenty of examples of Bible characters acting out of anger in the Bible, but they are examples of what not to do.  Samson often acted out of anger, but Samson’s whole story is an example of how not to act and how God can use people who are moral failures.¹   David got furious with Nabal because he didn’t pay David what was due.  David was ready to send 400 men with swords to kill him.  But that story is not in the Bible as an example of how to act.  God doesn’t want you to imitate David in his anger, nor does he want you to imitate David when he committed adultery or when he killed Uriah.  Righteous anger is only for God.   The Bible is clear that for everyone who is not God, all anger is sin.  That is why you will find anger in the various lists of sins in the Bible.

Let’s look at Paul’s what not to do list:

Colossians 3:5,8,9    Put to death, therefore, what is earthly in you:  sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry….now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.  Do not lie to one another…

In case you have wondered, there is also no such thing as ‘righteous slander,’ ‘righteous sexual immorality,’ or ‘righteous idolatry.’  But we have created this category of ‘righteous indignation’ or ‘righteous anger’ because we want it to exist despite it not being in the Bible.

So, how do you respond when someone offends you, and you feel the urge to become angry?

First, how does the world tell you to respond?  How does the world tell you to handle your anger?  “Count to 10”, that’s what I was told.  I’m not sure it handled my anger, but it’s more like I delayed it.  Perhaps for some people, taking the time to count to ten helps deal with their anger, but for others, it is like the last 10 seconds on the countdown timer on a bomb.  It is undoubtedly going to explode when the ten count is up.  Other suggestions are to “meditate,” “center yourself,” go scream somewhere, or hit a pillow or punching bag.  Of course, in our capitalistic country, someone has figured out how to profit from anger reactions.  I was not aware of “Rage Rooms.”  These businesses are springing up everywhere.  The closest one to me is about an hour away.  (I could count to ten many times driving that far.)   You pay to enter a room with multiple glass objects or electronics and a baseball bat to break them.  The one near me is called “Smash and Dash.”  They supply windshields to break, and you can do “Group Rages.”  They also offer ax throwing (hopefully not in the group rage.)  They do birthday parties and there is currently a post-election special going on if you are angry about that.  

So what does the Bible say to do when someone offends you?  How do you respond to evil acts against you?  Right after Paul’s “what-not-to-do-list” in Colossians, he has a to-do list.

Colossians 3:12-17   Put on then, as god’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 

Paul says, “Put on then…”  The Greek uses the word for getting dressed. Paul tells us to wear these clothes.  This is the way you get dressed in the morning if you are God’s people: with compassionate hearts (looking for the needs of others above your own), kindness (goodness, treating others well), humility (modesty, not thinking you are the most important), meekness  (willingness to submit to God’s rule over your life), and patience (the ability to endure difficult people and situations without giving into anger or giving up hope.  If you are starting the day like this, and these are the characteristics you wear, then it will be hard for someone to offend you.

Back to Paul’s discussion:

Colossians 3:12-17   Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience,   bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another…

Okay, here we go. Paul says if you have an honest complaint against someone, they did you wrong, insulted you, cheated you, cut you off in traffic, or lied to you. These are all things that could result in you taking offense and becoming angry.

So what do you do, Paul?

“…bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”

Paul’s answer to the question of how to respond when someone does something that might offend you is to forgive them—forgiving each other.  You have probably recently prayed that prayer Jesus taught us to pray.  “Forgive us as we forgive those who trespass against us.”  We pray, “God, please forgive me the same way you see me forgive others.”  Jesus didn’t tell us to pray: “Father, get angry with us as we get angry with those who trespass against us.”  

Here is the concept we see through the Bible that I somehow missed applying to my life because I had heard all my life that anger can be good.  When you are wronged, when people are rude or careless –  you have two choices.  You can be offended, or you can forgive.    But Paul doesn’t hedge at all.  You must forgive.  Not if they apologize, or if they make it right, or if you feel like it.  You must.  When I mess up, I know how I want God to react to me.  I want forgiveness from God.  But I have not always held myself to that same standard.  I thought it was ok to be offended.  It is not.  

Now, the whole passage, because it is so good:

Colossians 3:12-17   Put on then, as god’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience,   bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.   And above all these, put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.   And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.   Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.   And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

This is abundant life.  This is the way of love.  This is how God wants us to live.  And look, if you choose to respond with forgiveness rather than be offended, you get peace.  Being offended is not peaceful.  Being offended is stressful.  That is not how God wants us to live.  

We live in a fallen world.  People are going to do you wrong.  Jesus said don’t murder them; don’t even get angry with them.  And Paul is saying, if the Holy Spirit abides in you, don’t even be offended by them.  You choose to be offended.  You don’t have to be offended.  Put on those clothes of compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience.  Then, when someone acts against you, don’t choose to be offended; don’t choose to be angry; choose to forgive them.

Hansen points out in Unoffendable we live in a world today where being offended has almost become a national pastime.  We have invented new and easy ways to be constantly offended.  We have 24-hour news.  They will give you a constant running flow of things to offend you.   How about social media?  It won’t take more than a few seconds of scrolling on Facebook to be offended by something.  Christians should be the least offendable people in the world.  Instead, I am afraid we have become known as the easiest people to find offense.   

But instead of going through the day finding things to be offended about, try deciding at the beginning of the day not to be offendable.  Decide today you are going to put on those Colossians 3 clothes.  Then, no matter what someone does, I will react with forgiveness.  But what if someone really deserves it?  What if someone mistreats us or wants to harm us?  Isn’t anger right then?  Amazingly, Jesus says no!  Those are the very people and situations that Jesus specifically tells us to forgive.  Forgiving means surrendering your claim to be offended, angry, or resentful.

Forgiveness is hard,  but the Bible says to forgive.  So the question people asked in Jesus day was, “Well, how many times do I have to forgive someone?    The rabbis debated this and mostly agreed on the following (found in the Mishna).

“If a man commits an offense once they forgive him, a second time they forgive him, a third time they forgive him, the fourth time they do not forgive him.”² 

“He who begs forgiveness from his neighbor must not do so more than three times.”³

In Jesus’ day, this was the accepted norm: You should forgive someone three times. The disciples grew up learning this rule. But Peter heard Jesus talk over and over about forgiveness that seemed to be above the three-strike rule he learned as a child. So Peter asked Jesus how many times he should forgive someone. And Peter (likely trying to impress Jesus) suggested way more than three… seven times! 

Matthew 18:21-22   Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him?  As many as seven times?”  Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.

Jesus answers 77.  And this is not a math exercise.  75…76… almost there…  (That would be like me counting to 10 – not dealing with it but postponing it.)   Jesus didn’t choose that number randomly.  He wants you to recall something in Scripture.  “Seventy-seven” is only in the Scripture one other time.  And Jesus wants you to remember the other story….

In Genesis, five generations down from Cain (the murderer) is a man named Lamech.

Genesis 4:23-24   Lamech said to his wives: 
“Adah and Zillah, hear my voice;  you wives of Lamech, listen to what I say:  I have killed a man for wounding me, a young man for striking me.  If Cain’s revenge is sevenfold,  then Lamech’s is seventy-sevenfold.”

Lamech is the biblical poster child for revenge and retaliation.   He certainly did not abide by the “eye for eye” idea.  You hit me, I’ll kill you.   I revenge to the extreme.  Jesus’ point is to forgive to the extreme, like Lamech revenged to the extreme.  Jesus said our forgiveness should be way our of proportion to someone’s actions against us.  Jesus’ followers should be known for their extravagant forgiveness.

Follow Jesus’ example.  Everyone wants to follow Jesus’ example of throwing out the moneychangers in the temple.  Sorry, you can’t follow that one.  You aren’t God.  You don’t have the role of judge.  That is way above all of our pay grades.

Follow Jesus’ response to the offensive people of the day.  Jesus surrounded himself with people that the world considered offensive, but Jesus was not offended by anyone.  The Pharisees were all offended by the woman caught in the act of adultery; Jesus was not offended.  He said, “I don’t condemn you.” The man possessed by a demon starts shouting out in synagogue.  Jesus is not offended by him, and he heals him of his possession.

The most offensive people in the Jewish world in Jesus’ day were Roman soldiers.  Jesus shows him compassion and heals his son.  The lepers that everyone found ultimately offensive – Jesus touched and healed them. 

One day, a pharisee named Simon asked Jesus to dinner.  A woman comes in, a known prostitute, and anoints Jesus’ feet.  The Pharisees were shocked and offended.  

Luke 7:39  Now, when the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would have known who and what sort of woman this is who is touching him, for she is a sinner.”

Jesus knew, but he did not take offense. Because Simon jumped straight to offense rather than forgiveness, Jesus needed to teach him something—something Simon may not want to hear. And we know that when Jesus wants to teach something to someone who doesn’t want to hear it, he tells a parable.

Luke 7:41-47  “A certain moneylender had two debtors. One owed five hundred denarii and the other fifty. When they could not pay, he canceled the debt of both. Now, which of them will love him more?”   Simon answered, “The one, I suppose, for whom he canceled the larger debt.” And he said to him, “You have judged rightly.”   Then, turning toward the woman, he said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave me no water for my feet, but she has wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair.   You gave me no kiss, but from the time I came in she has not ceased to kiss my feet.  You did not anoint my head with oil, but she has anointed my feet with ointment.   Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.”

Let me follow Jesus’ example and end in a story that Hansen tells in Unoffendable. 

Tony Campolo writes about her in his book The Kingdom of God Is a Party. He was in a diner in Honolulu, very late one night—three thirty in the morning, actually—when he couldn’t sleep from jet lag. It was just him, his donut and coffee, and the guy behind the counter, when suddenly, a group of prostitutes came in. They sat down on either side of Tony, and they were very crude and very loud. He was about to leave. But then he overheard one of them saying tomorrow was her birthday, her thirty-ninth. Another woman made fun of her for bringing it up. “What do you want, Agnes, a party? You want a cake? You want us to sing ‘Happy Birthday’?” Agnes said no, she didn’t. She’d never had a party, or a birthday cake, so why start now? When I heard that, I made a decision. I sat and waited until the women had left. Then I called over the fat guy behind the counter, and I asked him, “Do they come in here every night?” “Yeah!” he answered. “The one right next to me, does she come here every night?” “Yeah!” he said. “That’s Agnes. Yeah, she comes in here every night. Why d’ya wanta know?” “Because I heard her say that tomorrow is her birthday,” I told him. “What do you say you and I do something about that? What do you think about us throwing a birthday party for her—right here—tomorrow night?”1 The guy behind the counter—his name was Harry—loved the idea, and so did his wife, who did the cooking in back. In fact, he wanted to make the birthday cake.

Tony told him he’d be there earlier the next morning, in time to decorate. And he decorated, complete with crepe paper streamers and a sign that read, “Happy Birthday, Agnes!” Apparently, word of the party got out, because the place was filled with prostitutes before Agnes’s arrival. When she came in at three thirty with a friend, the whole place erupted, “Happy birthday!” She was stunned. Mouth agape. “Flabbergasted,” Tony writes. Her friend had to steady her. And when they began to sing, she began to cry. Harry lit the candles, and as she blew out the cake, she was in tears. She didn’t want to cut it. Instead, she asked if she could keep it a little while. She wondered if that would be okay. Harry said she could. Then she said, “I want to take the cake home, okay? I’ll be right back, honest!” She left. Everyone was stunned silent. Tony said he didn’t know what else to do, so he broke the silence with, “What do you say we pray?” Looking back on it now, it seems more than strange for a sociologist to be leading a prayer meeting with a bunch of prostitutes in a diner in Honolulu at 3:30 in the morning. But then it just felt like the right thing to do. I prayed for Agnes. I prayed for her salvation. I prayed that her life would be changed and that God would be good to her. When I finished, Harry leaned over the counter and with a trace of hostility in his voice, he said, “Hey! You never told me you were a preacher. What kind of church do you belong to?” In one of those moments when just the right words came, I answered, “I belong to a church that throws birthday parties for whores at 3:30 in the morning.” Harry waited a moment and then almost sneered as he answered, “No you don’t. There’s no church like that. If there was, I’d join it. I’d join a church like that!” You know what? I have a new rule: I won’t join a church that doesn’t do that. Because that’s the Jesus I recognize, the One who mends the brokenhearted and is never, ever scandalized by sinners  

1.   A great book on how Sampson is a Bible example of how not to act is Brad Grey’s Make Your Mark.
2. Second-Century Rabbi Jose ben Jehuda.
3. Third-Century Rabbi Jose ben Hanina.